


What must have been seconds but felt like a lifetime

by Jamesandthedog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Snogging, jily, some serious making out, when pining turns into something else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamesandthedog/pseuds/Jamesandthedog
Summary: James’ hand ruffled though his hair, still not quite gasping the thought of what had just happened, as the door slammed shut and it became dark. There was a crackle as a something fell against his shoulder and it was only then that he realised she had pushed him into a broom closet.Lily can't stand James' attitude towards his Head Boy duties. Or maybe it's something else bothering her.





	1. The Broom Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Includes a couple of references to my earlier piece [A hundred heartbets late](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16201475), but works fine on it's own as well.
> 
> Thank you so much my deerest [icandoesajily](https://icandoesajily.tumblr.com/) for beta reading!

The two of them arguing was nothing unusual. Lily was hurrying up the stairs after one of their late night prefects meetings, fire in her green eyes, lips pressed together and her red hair swinging as she headed towards the Gryffindor common room. She was followed by no other than James, his uniform shirt tucked into his trousers as carelessly as ever, Gryffindor tie loosely hanging around his neck and his loud mouth running to make excuses.

“You can’t just abandon your duties and do whatever you want just because you’re James Goddamn Potter,” Lily cut him out.

“I said I was sorry, something came up.”

It wasn’t like she needed him to help her guide the prefects, but she could not stand the way James though he could do whatever he pleased and get away with it. Like that time James literally slept through charms once and still managed to give a correct answer when asked by professor Flitwick. Like that time James had smuggled booze to the castle and almost gotten Lily into trouble for it.

“What was it this time; too busy snogging with Kathy Prickett or hexing Slytherins?”

She took a left to an empty corridor.

“I snogged her one time at the Quidditch victory party,” James pointed out.

“I don’t care whether you snog her or not, Potter, I care whether you show up like you’re supposed to!”

She did care though, not that she would have admitted it to herself.

“I care whether you think I’m still snogging her.”

Lily stopped to stare at him fiercely. She didn’t know if she was more angered by his casual light attitude towards his Head Boy responsibilities or because she generally could not stand his presence these days. She hadn’t been able to since last spring’s booze smuggling incident. The thought of those few minutes hiding from Mr. Filch’s watchful eyes under James’ silvery invisibility cloak, his hands pulling her closer and his voice ticking her ear like – she refused to think of it.

“You’re impossible,” she stated continuing towards the Gryffindor tower. “I thought you’d at least try and make an excuse for your absence.”

“What’s the point if you jump to conclusions and immediately assume I was avoiding my responsibilities? You know, you’re not always right about everything.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m right about you missing the meeting.”

“For a good reason Lils.”

“I told you not to call me that”, she said.

“You did, and then I asked you if you liked me calling you that anyway, but you never answered.”

She ignored his point but stopped walking. She tried to ignore he heart pounding in her chest as she concentrated on the formalities. James had no right dodge his duties.

“You have ten seconds to come up with an excuse or I’m going to ask professor McGonagall to replace you with someone at least mildly competent first thing tomorrow.”

“How about I was on the second floor dealing with Snivellus and his friends having a bit of fun on the expense of couple of fifth year muggleborns?” His raised one of his eyebrows in a defiant manner. “So please scold me all you want, I was just trying to save you from hearing about it because I know you still care about that bloody twat even if you act like you don’t – “

James had no time to react when he was pushed backwards. Somewhere behind him a door swung open and his back hit the wall. As he waited for the burst of her anger that never came her hands found his neck and her lips found his. And even if he had thought about kissing her a thousand times, he had never imagined it happening like that in the middle of night and after a fight with her lips soft and certain. After the first wave of surprise he kissed her back and pulled her closer with his hands on her lower back as the kiss became more demanding.

Their noses bumped together as she pulled him by his collar and he was sure it was awkward because she made a noise. His hands must have been trembling at first but still one of them found its way under the hem of her uniform blouse and the other cupped her cheek and still he could not believe it was happening.

And when their lips finally parted after what must have been seconds but felt like a lifetime, they were both panting. The forest green eyes met hazel and Merlin she looked wild and beautiful.

“What – “

“I got to go.”

She was out of his arms with the same speed it all had started with and as she disappeared from the door he was still leaning against the wall, panting and his head feeling strangely dizzy.

James’s hand ruffled though his hair, still not quite grasping what had just happened, as the door slammed shut and it became dark. There was a thump as a something fell against his shoulder and it was only then that he realised she had pushed him into a broom closet.

But to be fair, his exact location was not the most intriguing thought running through in his mind.


	2. The Empty Classroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you give me such wonderful comments! Here's the second chapter, I think it's a bit of an mess that could be rewritten like ten times more but, there you go.
> 
> Biggest hug to my patient beta reader [icandoesajily](https://icandoesajily.tumblr.com/)!

The sound of breath escaping between James’ lips and an empty classroom door banging shut as he was pushed against it was nothing but unusual for James. He was not accustomed to having her lips against his. And yet in the course of the past three weeks this was the kind of behavior he had been getting used to the desolate corners of the castle, hidden from prying eyes. 

He didn’t quite understand how it had started, and he certainly didn’t know where it was all going as she bit his lower lip between the kiss and with a swift movement he spun them around, pushing her up against the door with his hips, with his wanting lips, chasing the skin of her arms and locking her hands over their heads. All he knew was Lily did not want to talk about it. 

The morning after Lily had pushed him into a broom closet and kissed him for the first time (and completely out of the blue), James had been waiting her in the common room while the others had strolled towards the breakfast served for them in the Great Hall. When she had finally appeared from the staircase leading to the girls’ dormitory, they needed no words, she knew why he was there, so she had steered him out of the common room and into the shadows of an empty corridor where no one could hear them. 

James had not quite known how to act, standing there with her, for this was the girl he had fallen for so long ago. The girl who told him exactly what she thought of him, exactly how childishly and stupidly he behaved every time he acted out of line. The girl who so stubbornly did not like him as anything but a friend when he swore his heart pounded way faster than it ever did during the long minutes before the start of Quidditch finals every time he saw her. And still there he was, standing in the corridor, looking at the most beautiful redhead who just hours before had argued with him and then kissed him like he never knew someone could, making him feel like he never wanted to part from her lips ever again.  

And then she had disappeared on him, moment gone as fast as it had started, leaving James in his puzzled thoughts. Had it even been real? Could she like him? Had the kiss been so bad he had scared her off? James had laid in his bed half the night, not being able to sleep as the scent of her had lingered in his thoughts along with a million questions. 

“Did you tell them?” She had asked, there in the corridor, before he had had time to construct the questions swelling in the back of his mind into a full sentence. 

“What?” 

“Your friends.” 

He had not. For the first time in his life he had a secret he had not shared with his best mates, because they would not believe him, because he had wanted to talk to her first, or more honestly, because he had been afraid that one wrong move would ruin it all. One wrong move like telling Sirius and the others, or like taking those two steps closer, lifting her chin and tasting her lips again against his own like he wanted to. 

“I haven’t.” 

She had raised her eyebrows but seemed relieved. 

“So- “, he had started, rumpling up his already mess of a hair before she cut him short. 

“It was a mistake.” 

He felt like his heart skipped a beat. 

“Just promise you won’t tell anyone, please?” 

And of course he promised. 

He had never had time to explain how he felt about her. 

And now, there they were, doing the exact thing she had brushed off as a mistake. And more, since it was not only their mouths crashing together but his leg had found its way between hers and Merlin she rocked her hips against his in a way that could make him lose his mind in matter of seconds.

“No,” his voice was all husky as he forced their lips apart. 

For a moment they were both panting, and his hands still kept hers up above their heads, pushing gently against the wall as James tried his best to remember what it was that he was supposed to be saying. And as he watched Lily slowly bite her lower lip, it sure did not help him gather his thoughts. He could only vaguely remember in the back of his mind that he knew, _he knew_ , something must be wrong with her, for this was not the girl he knew. Not really. 

It wasn’t like Lily not to say what was in her mind. He had known this girl since they were eleven years old and been her friend for at least the past year, and not once she had refused to tell him what was wrong. On the contrary, there were occasions especially during their fifth year when James had wished she’d been more subtle with voicing her opinions, not that he hadn’t deserved most of what had come out of her mouth. 

James had pondered about it during the past three weeks enough to conclude that he must have been a distraction for her, something to take her mind off the thing actually bothering her. It made sense, since she’d been rather short-tempered lately, picking fights with him over the smallest things. Fights that often ended in snogging behind suits of amours, empty corridors or like in this case, a disused class room. 

Maybe it was something to do with her sister; he knew Lily was barely able to talk these days, maybe Severus Snape, the wanker, had done something again and this was a twisted way to get back at him, or possibly the war was starting to weight on her – which he would have fully understood since it scared him too and Lily had so much more on the line than he ever could have. Whatever it was that ate her up, as her friend he needed to know what it was that made her act like this, snog him like this, and help her deal with it. That was the lie he told himself of course. He needed to know the truth because he didn’t want to just be a snog to her. He wanted to fucking marry her.  

And if this was to be the closest he ever got to feeling loved by her, Merlin he had a right to be a bit slow at bringing it all to an end. 

“No?” She raised her eyebrows, and bloody hell he loved how she did that. “Didn’t look like you minded snogging me a second ago.” 

When James didn’t answer her right away, she tried to free her hands as if she was about to leave, but he didn’t let her, and she didn’t seem to mind staying. James, still panting a bit, gave her one of his grins while looking at her forest green eyes, so close to his, and glanced down towards their hips, still pressed against each other’s.  

“Unless you think that’s a wand in my pocket, it’s pretty obvious I don’t mind it.” 

The joke, or the truth behind it brought smile in the corner of her mouth. 

“Then I don’t see the problem, Potter.”  

The problem was, no matter how he thought of addressing the unspoken, how much he wanted to know what this all was about, it only took Lily Evans saying his last name and he would sell his soul to a devil if she asked. He could let it go on for a bit longer, could he not? Just for a moment more, pretending maybe that she liked snogging him and that was all it was about. He knew he shouldn’t, but even then, as she tried to kiss him again it took all he had to pull his head back when her lips were already brushing against his. 

“Fuck,” he gasped. “You can’t just go picking a fight with me, snog me and then just disappear acting like it’s no big deal, Evans.” 

“Then what do you suppose I should do? Start snogging you and just, what, never stop?” 

“Sounds better to me,” he said honestly, forgetting again he was supposed to find out what was bothering her, letting his hands slide down to her neck. 

When instead of answering him right away she simply looked at him, James was sure snogging him for the rest of her life was nothing she had planned on doing – he was nothing more than a meaningless distraction to her – and then the words already were coming out of his mouth like a shield of unnecessary humor to hide his real feelings from her, a shield he was so accustomed with. 

“Besides, always wanted to break the longest snog record.” He had that mischievous grin on his face. “Wait, what’s the current record? Cause if it’s days I take it back - I’m not ready to pee in your presence, we’re not quite there yet honey.” 

As he spoke, she crossed her arms on her chest and James could feel the atmosphere changing. Her hips pulled back from his and she leaned against the wall rolling her eyes. It didn’t take a Dumbledore to figure out she didn’t appreciate his humor. 

“This is exactly why I shouldn’t be snogging you the first place,” she said shortly. 

Then she took a step to leave but he was faster, since this was not the first time he had tried to confront her, and it always ended in Lily storming away. That was mainly why he hadn’t tried to question her for some time. That and the fact snogging Lily was better than no Lily at all. 

But now James wasn’t going to let her run. Though, standing in front of the door handle with a half boner while she tried to murder him with that look of hers wasn’t exactly optimal solution either.  Her lips pressed firmly together, arms crossed on her chest and fire in her eyes made him wonder why he had ever thought it a good idea to change her lips for the truth. 

“Wait! I’m sorry, Lils,” he said before remembering how she claimed to hate that nickname, showing his hands with open palms in a gesture of surrender. 

The messy haired boy took a moment to consider his next words, for this was the furthest he had ever gotten with the discussion and he was, again, and already, ruining it. James shoved his hand in his hair like he always did have when she made him feel befuddled.  

“Are you saying we shouldn’t be snogging because I make jokes? Because I’ve been thinking if, maybe, you’re snogging me to avoid dealing with your sister or–“ 

“My sister?” She sounded upset, though not at all because of her sister. “We shouldn’t be snogging because you never take anything seriously!” 

“I take you seriously.” 

“No you don’t! You never have!” This time she shouted. 

“In fifth year you asked me out because you though it would be funny to have prefects on your side or because you wanted to get to Severus or amuse your friends! Just last year you acted as if you maybe actually liked me and then you went kissing Kathy Prickett and God knows who else!” 

“She kissed me once,” he pointed out, confused and not quite understanding why they were talking about things that had happened a year or two earlier. 

“And this year all you do is go around calling me with that nickname no one else uses!” 

As she yelled at James he grabbed a bunch of his hair into his fist and looked at her with frowned brows, for he knew exactly why he called her ‘Lils’, but he had completely and utterly lost track of the conversation, for if seemed like she wasn’t upset about anything but James himself.  

“Strolling around the common room in your sweaty Quidditch gear–“ 

“I do not stroll.” 

“Well you do not seem to keep the shirt on either!” 

That one he might have done on purpose, but he never thought she had actually cared about it. Not that getting her attention hadn’t been the very reason he had taken his shirt off in the common room several times. She had never seemed to notice. James didn’t know how to process the information, let alone comment on it. 

He listened to her shouting, and the longer she kept going the less James though it was her sister, or the war, or Severus fucking Snape bothering her. It almost seemed like what was bothering her was something James did not even dare to think out aloud in his own head. 

“Laughing at stupid things, attending prefect meetings, it’s like you’re everywhere!” 

She kept shouting and they were staring into each other’s eyes, he was almost sure there was a hint of pain in hers now – James wasn’t sure because he must have stopped breathing a long time ago. He might have died and gone to heaven too, because what he thought was going on was simply not possible, even if he had dreamed about it countless times.  

And then she was close to him, but not to kiss him again like he wanted to. They stood there for what must have been a mere seconds but felt like a life time to James, she was tense and mad and catching her breath, and he felt like pulling her closer by her hips and never letting go and– 

“So stop messing with my head, Potter!” 

It was fast, her hand touched his side as she found the door handle pulling it open and forcing him to step aside.

Then she was gone again. 

And he found he was holding his breath still, because Lily Evans fancied him. As he leaned his back against the wall of the empty classroom and dragged his hand through his unruly hair, the most pressing thought running through his mind was that he needed to prove to her he was worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, so I suppose you're getting a third chapter as well? I'd love to know what you thought of this whether it was good or bad(:


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